I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
