Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
