Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
