This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
