Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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