Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
