I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
