At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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