id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
