FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
