So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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