What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
