is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
