I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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