I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize