Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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