he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
