I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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