That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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