In the future we'll all be gay
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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