I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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