im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He felt like a one man threesome
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize