He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
