I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
