please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
