maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
