called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
