Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
