I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
