belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
