yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
