Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
