i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
