i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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