All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
