Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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