Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
