I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
