They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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