Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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