I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need water and some morals
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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