Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
