That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
