First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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