i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just gift wrapped bread.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
