somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
home. puking in laundry basket.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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