Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
