worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
