well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
