My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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