So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
