my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
