we have officially lost it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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