Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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