you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
