I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize