can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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