Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
