just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
