I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
