Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We left the knife in your bed.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
