I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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