Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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