What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
