the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
