just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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