Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You can't special order awesome
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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