Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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