Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
